The fruit of the Spirit just passed through me: I am so easily amused

I have a bit of a sick new habit. My gal Emily hooked me up with one blog site, which led to a multitude of other blogs of similarly appointed women who are Southern Baptist, from TN, have no jobs, have husbands and children...and I'm thinking not a whole lot else to do. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. Emily said, "It's a cult, there's just no walls around them." Blog titles are all in the same language...titles such as "Supremacy of Christ (scary!)," "The Eye Doc and Me (i.e. I have no career) and "Life as a _______ fill in the blank name of husband's family (I'm assuming a new identity!)" I told her that this is so good, you couldn't make this shit up. How did we grow up so differently? Why is this like a zoo exhibit I can't take my eyes off of (once I wipe away the tears from laughing so damn hard)?

We have discerned several themes from the careful reading of these sites, including (I just feel, like, somebody needs to know about this- its a great sociological experience):
1. Being married is important
2. "Still" being in love with husband and Jesus, and having a love triangle with Jesus is important
3. Clear lingo is used, like "walking with the Lord," "living in grace," "with God's grace," we're not really sure if anyone knows what "grace" means..."hearts hurting," "submitting to God's will"
4. Photos of baby bumps, and subsequent children at different stages are a must
5. Trendy/classic baby names, such as Audrey, Griffin, Olivia, Ainsley, Lila seem to proliferate
6. There's a lot of talking to the Lord going on, like quoting discussions that have been had with the Lord
7. Most of these women have similar sites posted like "Money Saving Mom"
8. The husbands involved are always WAY less attractive than their stay at home wives. And look like they are 40 years old.

Sidebar: It's like that SATC moment where Samantha asks Carrie what the hell a diaper genie is. Carrie shrugs and speculates its a person who comes and changes your kid's diapers.

9. Fetuses have names and life narratives. Icons of fetuses exist on these websites.
10. All bad life experiences can be attributed to this notion of "interior sin."
11. Christian reading lists of book titles that include "Redeeming of something" "shattered things" and other equally intriguing adjectives.
12. Consideration of higher education involves arts and crafts classes at local community colleges.
13. These women don't sleep well. Either because they're pregnant, their husbands snore, or perhaps they are highly anxious about what the hell is happening in their lives, that's just my own interpretation.
14. Photos of female children, who have hot moms, clearly resemble their weird fathers.


Emily says these blogs read like "a playbook for how to be dominated and let people walk all over you," as she then reads a quote from one of the blogs that says "we know we are less than human when we are alone." Cut to me, letting one Looooong, loud cackle. Stop! (slapping my thigh) Stop!

"God keeps us in messy relationships for his redemptive purposes."

I sigh. My sides hurt. I am tired.

Emily: "This is so fucking weird."

I tell her I expect her to blog when she has her first child.

One of my favorite postings, I have to admit...
[A Great Article for Single Women •August 29, 2008 • 1 Comment
“What is the best way to prepare for marriage?” you may ask . . . prepare yourself in holiness, for the glory of God. Growing up in the church, I was taught to pray for my future husband - for his salvation, for his purity, for his sanctification, for his relationships - and the list goes on. While I think there is merit in praying for the spouse I may have one day, I realized a few years ago that I often expect perfection from my potential “husband-to-be,” all the while disregarding the own sin in my life.]

Lord, please forgive me if I don't while away the hours praying for my future husband's santification. I have a career. If I read one more thing about "meekness," or the "fruit of the Spirit," I might wet my pants. I'm past the point of pulling it together, I'm punchy and giggling like I spent the afternoon smoking marijuana. Oh, the irony.

Cut to Emily and I talking to each other on Skype, on web cam, when the dulcet tones of a hymn strike up in my headset's earpiece. "Is that you, or me?" I ask. It's her. She's on a blog that has a musical accompaniment when you open the webpage. Now cut to Emily (wearing a gaudy ass White House/Obama head shot tshirt) and I rocking out to a kick ass arrangement of Amazing Grace, thousands of miles away from each other, while Emily punches the air in time to the melodramatic line "the hour I first believed." I shout at her "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE LYRICS!"